Even though school is over, I am still having these issues of squeezing everything in. Being a home owner, in and of itself, is one of the most difficult, scariest things. I hadn't expected to be doing it on my own and there are moments when I think "what if I just couldn't afford it anymore?" I don't have someone to lean on or help keep up things if I start slacking. I constantly am thinking of what needs to be cleaned, what should be fixed, what bills still need to pay, and most importantly, how the hell do I minimize my debt? These are the daily stresses that I am sure every adult goes through but my 27 year old brain still tries to scream out, "You're not an adult yet! You're young and should be carefree and enjoy only having to be concerned about yourself!" Well half of that is true. I am young but I am still an adult, as much as I want to fight it. I have been since I was probably even too young to be. I have always taken care of myself since I was 18 but something about owning property is scary! I know right now I am only taking care of myself. I make dinner when I want it and eat left overs for days because I am one person and I am not picky. I can work out for hours at a time, and know I don't need to rush home for anything. Still though, it would be nice to have something to rush home to. I guess on either side of the fence, there are the good and negative aspects and I need to just enjoy what it is I have now.
Throwing myself into working out and making myself healthier is a nice distraction from these daily stresses. However, being stress free contributes to a healthy self. So round and round it goes. Yesterday, I was so exhausted that I took a nap on the couch, skipped my run, and then ordered pizza while watching So You Think You Can Dance. That sounds amazing, right? And it should be! I only let myself half enjoy these things though because it's "off my schedule." I was supposed to run and that pizza didn't fit into my calorie counting for the week. These thoughts make me think "Do I have OCD?" I slightly freak out when things do not go according to schedule and it's getting worse as I get older. I would love to change this about myself, especially before I start needing to take care of others besides me. So I constantly told myself last night that I would not let myself feel guilty for it. Instead, I made up for it by running to the gym tonight, doing body pump, and running home. I'm not gonna lie, I am freaking exhausted right now.
Tomorrow I have a break and then on Saturday I am doing my second 10k (this time in Beaumont). I would like to beat my Run Through Redlands time of 1:09, even if by a minute. After the run, I am going to the Hangar 24 AirFest and am going to enjoy the hell out of it. They have shuttles picking up people in downtown Redlands throughout the day, and since I live very close to downtown, my friends and I can drink safely. It will definitely be a day of libations that are totally deserved after a run :) Then Sunday I am going to a spa with my boyfriend's mom and getting my second massage ever in my life! I gotta say, it may be the thing I am looking forward to most. Monday should bring a very relaxed Jenny to work... or exhausted, we'll see.
Miles to date: 185.20 (ahead of schedule for my goal!)
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